Non-Jews are for practice
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
