Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
