Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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