dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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