Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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