U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
