I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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