there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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