I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
