I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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