Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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