yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
