just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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