Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
