you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
