Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
