weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize