P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
