I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
