so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
