can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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