You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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