i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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