dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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