I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
