Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
where are you?
Hypothermia
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
