He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
