1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
