just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
