That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You took a bar mat shot.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
