I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
