yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
