I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Congratulations! We have a period
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