i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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