I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
