You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ladies don't puke and tell
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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