I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
