i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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