Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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