New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
