it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
