the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I understand Curling. That high.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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