I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
