Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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