haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this beer tastes like vomit already
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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