i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
