eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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