College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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