There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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