We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
