my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize