Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
