I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
