she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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