If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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