Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
