My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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