Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
