seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize