Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
