Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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