In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
