Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize