I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
