she smelled like a LAN party
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
