I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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