Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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