I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
