he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
