Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
