Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
