Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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