You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
