I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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