he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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