Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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