That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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