Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
