Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
