Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize