I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
