I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
