i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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