how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
