Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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