I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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