Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
