How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
