no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
