Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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