I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
