My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize