you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
