Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
