i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The best revenge is premature balding
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
