she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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