I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
