the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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