I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Randomize
