I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
